Holding Yourself Tenderly in Motherhood
- Sarah
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
Some days, being a mom feels like trying to keep your head above water—every choice feels like a wave pushing against you, every small mistake threatening to pull you under. I know I’ve felt that weight, the kind that creeps in when you’re exhausted, juggling everything, and still wondering if you’re “doing it right.” Parenting is fluid, unpredictable, and sometimes overwhelming—and yet, it’s in these currents that our relationships with our children are most malleable.
Maytal Eyal’s article in The Atlantic, “Enough With the Mom Guilt Already,” hits on this perfectly. She talks about the pressure mothers face to shape every tiny moment with our kids into something monumental, and the guilt that comes when we inevitably fall short. As a parent—and someone who supports parents—I feel this deeply. The constant messaging that “your choices today will define your child forever” can feel like a riptide, pulling you under and leaving you gasping.
I’ve felt this guilt in my own body. During a session of Family-Based Mental Health Services (FBMHS) with my family, we were swimming. My relationship with my son, M, was in need of help, and two therapists sat on the side of the pool, fully dressed, looming above me—experts, and expertly judging. “Increase touch,” she commanded. M was happily shouting, splashing, kicking about. I wanted to comply. I wanted to be the “good mom,” to feel his arms around me and laugh together—but my body froze, waves of anxiety coursing through me.
All I could think was, “how?” My stress response told me not to move toward him. History had taught me that things would end poorly if I reached for him. I would get hurt—both emotionally and physically. I didn’t have the words for this at the time, but the guilt was all-consuming and crushing. Why couldn’t I be everything my little boy needed me to be?
Eyal reminds us that while personal growth and self-awareness are valuable, they shouldn’t come with the weight of impossible expectations. Parenting is important—but it’s not everything. And giving ourselves permission to be human is just as important as any milestone, lesson we teach, or mistake we make.
Here’s what I want every parent to hear: it’s okay to take a breath, float for a moment, or let yourself drift when the currents are strong. It’s okay to focus on your own limbs paddling fiercely, heart racing. It’s okay if sometimes your patience runs thin or your energy runs out. Your children are resilient, and they need a parent who is present, not perfect. Your presence, your attunement, your love—that is what matters. Not the guilt, not the constant striving, not the self-blame. And just as you would cradle your child, remember to hold yourself tenderly through it all.
When guilt creeps in, notice it as you would a wave, and allow it to pass. Small acts of self-compassion—pausing, stepping aside, or simply acknowledging that you are doing your best—remind both you and your child that love and showing up matters more than perfection. Parenting is messy, beautiful, and human. The best gift we can give our children is a parent who is kind—to them and to ourselves.
If you’ve been carrying guilt or wondering whether you’re “getting it right” as a parent, you don’t have to do it alone. At Baby and Me, I walk alongside parents as they build stronger connections with their children while also caring for themselves. Reach out if you’d like a space to talk, reflect, and find steadier footing in your parenting journey.