The Myth of "Maternal Intuition"

“Just trust your gut.”

“You'll just know what to do.”

I’m sure you’ve heard these exact lines, or something similar.  

I’m guilty of saying it, too! I’ve absolutely said, “Just listen to your Mama gut.” And, of course, I’ve said it with the best of intentions.  With a desire to encourage a Mom to shut out the noise around her, to ‘listen’ for a right answer.

I now believe that is a mistake.

The more I've read about motherhood, the more I've questioned that phrase. 

Where would intuition even come from? 

How do we know what parts of our lives are guided by intuition or something else? We rarely talk about maternal intuition as though it could lead a mother anywhere. Rather, we usually invoke it hoping it will lead her where we think she should go.  And yet, only 100 years ago, mothers and babies were immediately separated upon delivery. In our grandparents’ lifetime, mothers were encouraged to keep smoking during pregnancy to keep the weight off and reduce anxiety! Did those mothers check in with their intuition on these decisions?

The problem is that we think intuition can show up and override all of the cultural noise that we breathe each and every day. We don't stop being influenced by the world around us simply because we become mothers. 

What if your intuition told you to stay in bed for the first 30 days? What if your intuition told you not to return to work after six weeks? 

Intuition is reserved for those who can afford it. Intuition is ironically judged by society, and mothers are only lauded when their intuition matches up with current expectations of the right motherhood.

Where does this intuition come from, and why does it only show up when a baby is born? What about a woman's right to decide not to have children? Can that be intuition? Or a woman can only be in tune with her body when there is a fetus inside?

The intention behind the phrase is well-meaning, but so is "enjoy every minute!" and we all know how that one feels.

What would we learn if we sat with a mother in the discomfort of not knowing?

What if, instead of telling her to trust her gut, we acknowledged that mothering is an unfolding of knowledge?